hear me roar. and bitch. and moan.

Holy shit am I grumpy today. I mean SO frustrated it's causing a headache. I'd love to take this evening to knock the shit out of someone and I don't even know who. I've taken my frustration out on the wrong people twice today and I really hate doing that. I try my damndest not to, and I'm not sure why I'm letting little things bother me so much. I know it's not PMS because I just finished with Aunt Flo and I'm not due again for awhile. Work is insane right now. I've been named a team leader on a project that is going to be an aggressive timeline to complete, which involves implementing a completely new system for 700 employees and 2,000 students. I'll be creating the training program to teach all of them. This is on top of the 5 databases I have to build by next month, and ssist with major overhauls on our applicant management system within the next few months. Add all that with a major system upgrade to yet another system that I'm s0lely in...

I started an exercise challenge that I can't seem to follow. I have 11 other people doing this challenge with me. Five of whom are really kicking ass. I. cannot. get. it. together. A huge part of me wants to blame it on the fact that I've been busy. Which I have. My mother was visiting for a week and I barely squeezed in the 150 minutes I was supposed to exercise. She left and it's been back to work and back to life. I've had social commitments that I have allowed to distract me. Going away party for a friend. Persian new year with the boyfriend's family (two events), and various et ceteras that have just allowed me to avoid exercising. This week I have a cousin visiting from Ohio. I'm very excited about it, but I have to find a way to not only get some exercise in, but also eat right while still showing her what LA has to offer. It's 30 effing minutes a day. I CAN find the time to fit it in. I WILL.

I am the worst at exercising. Once I do it, I'm SO happy I did it. However, I will think of every excuse not to exercise until I talk myself right out of it. Or, I won't even think about exercising at all. It just doesn't even cross my mind most days. I have had bouts of exercise love where I went four times a week and actually started to enjoy it. That was a 5 month period of a 35 year life. That's nothing. Not even a blip on the radar. More times than not, I don't even consider exercising. I will stop that behavior. I will create a new habit. I will become the person that thinks it's bad if I DON'T get my exercise. I want to feel like my day is not complete if I don't move my ass. To that end, I've started myself an exercise challenge. The Get Moving Challenge, to be exact. I have 11 other people doing this challenge with me. It's 150 minutes a week for 6 weeks. Week 1 was not the most inspiring week for me. I felt out of touch...

They say insanity is when you keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Not being prepared is my insanity. I know that every single time I don't prepare, it ends up in disaster. This morning is a prime example. I knew I was out of produce and breakfast stuff, but I'm leaving for the three day weekend, and I didn't want to buy food that would go bad while I was gone. I didn't prepare for this morning's breakfast and I was starving, so I stopped at Burger King. I was convinced I could find something that wasn't too bad. I must have sat in front of that drive thru menu board for 5 minutes, trying to discern which was the least damaging item. I really didn't want to say "fuck it" and spend a lot of WW points because I'm going to be traveling today after work and road trips are precarious for me when it comes to food. I ordered a BK breakfast muffin sandwich. Here was my logic: McDonald's egg mcmuffi...

dear heather's brain, wtf is your problem? you started this blog over 2 years ago. you went to therapy, you're successful at a job you love, live in a great place, have a great boyfriend, great friends and a great life. you've started school and have learned a million new things. some would look at you and say you're a fairly intelligent person who has come a long way in her life. so why can't you stick to the one thing you know would complete your little bubble of happy? pull your head out of your ass, get off the couch, and put down the damn pizza. you're better than this and you know it. you've made it through so much worse and the only thing limiting you from everything you want to do is your weight. that's it. YOU and YOUR weight are the only things stopping me from the skydiving, the bungee jumping, the comfortable, problem-free 12 hour flight to ireland, and that fun position you saw in a movie that one time. yeah, you know which one i...